10. Your penis is sweating and out of breath.
9. Jimmy Buffet outsells Justin Timberlake for three straight months.
8. You find yourself peeing Malibu Rum out your butthole Sunday mornings.
7. Increasing resentment for your parent’s unwillingness to financially support you into your late 30’s every time you’re invited to a party or event at the marina, which you can’t attend because you’re on the schedule for janitorial services… at the marina.
6. Michael Jackson can be found next to Splash Mountain’s exit Monday through Friday. And Saturday. And Sunday too.
5. The more that gas prices go up, the more that you go down…on movie producers in exchange for road-trip money.
4. “Swamp ass” begins to wreak more havoc on office plumbing than the menstrual cycle.
3. You have enough sand in your vagina to create a pearl necklace and matching earrings by mid-August.
2. Fumbling around with both hands in the front pockets of your jeans in a fruitless attempt to remove the excess scrotum adhered to both sides of the upper thigh.
1. Obese individuals whose best winter T-shirts barely hid the “muffin tops” they shamelessly donned after stuffing their bellies into pants they purchased 50 pounds ago have now downgraded to even more risqué and revealing apparel, creating a sight comparable to a horizontal view of a rhinoceros giving birth.
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