1. You wear swimming goggles to the restroom because of the frequency and intensity of splash-back from your giant turds.
2. Your cholesterol is higher than your credit score.
3. You’re the only one at the lake with a “four-piece.”
4. Your George Foreman Grill has a stroke and expires on your kitchen counter… alone, and very depressed.
5. Hey, you’re not kidding any one with your “See-food Diet”. Seriously…You’re fucking fat Dude.
6. McDonald's refuses to serve you, insisting that it would violate their full compliance with all animal cruelty laws.
7. Your eating disorder put the “Die” in “Diet”
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